Tuesday, June 1, 2010

thinking

I've been thinking a lot about life lately. I have so much I really want to say, but I'm not going to. Sometimes I wish I could just let it all out and be completely honest, but I will never be that kind of person.

Today's my mom's birthday and the day I couldn't wake her up.

I'm so ready for summer....even decent Spring weather.

I had a great Mommy/Daughter day with Elsie today. We played and laughed. I really tried to "live in the moment" (as lame as that sounds) and just enjoy being with her. It worked!! (See I can be positive, too!)

On a funny note: Last night I took some ambien (surprise, surprise) but then stayed up talking with Aaron for a while. I was starting to trip out and thought he had war paint on his face. It seemed so real. I can still picture it now, and it makes me laugh.

5 comments:

Shelly said...

Sorry you're having a hard time.
If you ever need to crap on life without someone judging you for it I'm always home! I like when people aren't always so cheerful and happy--it makes me feel more normal and not alone!

And Ambien is EVIL! I'm not surprised you tripped out! I went NUTSO the one time I took it! I didn't sleep at ALL and was just up all night in a half hallucinating stupor! I will never understand why people take real drugs by choice!
:)

angie said...

I always think about how hard it must have been for you that terrible morning. How scared you must have been. I regret not being there to help. I can imagine that the images will always be with you, but hopefully in time they will soften a bit. I'm sure mom would be so sad to know that she has caused any of us pain or hurt. She loved us so much.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you are having a hard time too. And like Shelly, anytime you just want to let it all out...come on over. Really. Sometimes life sucks...and sometimes it is wonderful. And it is nice to be able to talk about both times.

I'm so glad you had a "live in the moment" day with cute little Elsie. She is such a sweetie! You should bring her over this week and she can play with the girls!

dirty>south said...

yeah today's been a little rough, not helped by the normal "blues" from our 4-day weekend being over. but i got a funny story so maybe that will help.

so we're at the grave site on Monday. we got some roses to take there. the kids are playing around and I notice Kaiya by Mom's grave putting a rose on the head stone.

Not sure what made me say this but I was like "Hey Kaiya, did you know that Grandma is just right below you!" and then as soon as I said it Angie and Lindsay look at me like "what is your problem?" I said it in a nice, soft voice too so it sounded tender, but I guess it was maybe more creepy.

love you and can't wait to see you guys again.

lindsay>boo said...

I'm so sorry Kim.